Rebirth

Last night's life happenings invade my thoughts almost faster than it takes me to be aware that I have awoken. Heavy heart.

I open my eyes and see the city tilted on its side, very much like the feelings in my heart and mind. Maybe that's because I'm laying on my side, but no.

The sky is dusty blue, with baby wispy white clouds here and there. The Gold Medal Flour light across the way has ceased to blink. Wake now, she says gently.

My face hurts, the way it has been in these last weeks. Am I scrunching in slumber, affected with emotions and memories even in my sleep?

I see the traffic lights below, taking their turn in an orderly fashion, green then yellow then red, yet there are no cars to heed its commands. It's 5am.

What will this day be like? I wonder. I hear that thought in song in my brain, as I pull the soft gray bedspread over my shoulders protectively.

The need both to be seen and be inconspicuous are playing leap frog in my thoughts, and the confusion that was left last night cannot make up its mind. Over, under, over, under.

Somewhere in the distance, a car alarm is going off. My cue to rise, as if it really is an alarm for me instead. Alarming behavior last night from unexpected places.

Must be professional, says me to me. Must not cry, shower instead. No coffee yet, I need the warm gentle drops to envelop me and wash away my thoughts.

My arm opens up the blankets to instead embrace the cool morning air. I rise, catching a glimpse of the runner across the street, and for a moment, I admire his motivation.

As I step into the man made rain that is my shower, I allow a moment to give myself up to the thoughts that have been consuming me. Tears.

The moment hits my heart loudly like thunder, BOOM Boom boom; I brace with my arms like a dam and let the storm wash over me.

I call upon the strength I have built over time, and then - the storm passes as quickly as it came. I am left with resolve. Peace. Self love.

I emerge anew. My body is at one with my mind - warm, cozy, clean, receptive and worthy. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Born again.

And, like the lights, the sky, the runner, the red, yellow, green, I go. I go about the great big world and make my way. I am the lioness.