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...the Heck???

I’ve been secretly annoying myself and laughing at myself at the same time. Here’s how: I’ve started noticing that the older I get, the more I get it, and the more I don’t get it. I’ve compiled a short list of things that I both understand now and things that find me scratching my head in confusion. Read on and see if you’re as old as me, and if you’re not – this may be what you have to look forward to.

1. Something I GET: Naps

I remember being a little girl and having to lay down for a nap. I remember feeling full of energy and laying in my bed looking out the window. Ok so I wasn’t actually lying in bed, I was more propped up. I remember hearing the birds chirping, the wind blowing, seeing the green tree outside and even hearing the church bells at noon. I would lay there wide awake, hating nap time. So boring. I would get up after what felt like a lifetime and go to my mom’s room where I would see her asleep, so peaceful that even drool would be present. (Sorry mom). She would sense my presence though, and say, “Just give me 10 more minutes.” HOW ON EARTH could she be so tired???

Well guess what? I’m 45, and I love an occasional afternoon snooze!!! It’s lovely. Just dozing off for a bit feels so nice, especially with the light sleeper I am during the evening hours! I’m usually busy cleaning or doing laundry- *hang on, I have to throw a load in the washer* - ironing, writing or whatever. Getting up at 5:45AM, walking dogs and being Type A about so many things makes me tired!!! I love naps. I get them now.

2. Something I DON’T get: Period Parties

Ok. When I got my lady visitor when I was a teen, it was with dread and horrific realization that I was now a sexual being. Ugh. Not fun, not cool, not happy about it at all. I was mortified really. Mortified. Also, I’m older so I was still raised in the generation that taught me although it was natural, it was still PRIVATE and not really anything people wanted to celebrate or talk about. Unless you’re scared you’re actually pregnant and aren’t wanting to be. I didn’t want anyone to know I was wearing a pad or whatever, I hated the whole thing.

But today, people are throwing these HUGE parties and celebrating their daughter’s passage into womanhood! People are doing this. This is a thing. If my parents threw me a period party with a red velvet cake, red balloons, silver and red confetti or anything similar, I would have murdered them. (not really, but you get it). Guys, they have uterus Piñatas at these parties! They have pepperoni pizzas – this almost ruined pepperoni pizza for me, they have period kits and all kinds of things. Now. Not to say I’m not seeing the humor, the openness and the teaching tool these parties can be, I’m just saying... wow. I don’t really get it, and I probably never will. That’s ok, I don’t need to throw one and please don’t feel obligated to invite me if you throw one. But if you and your daughter like the idea – good on you! 😀

3. Something I GET: How Often I Was Accused of Eye Rolling

My mother and father used to tell me I was “making faces” and I didn’t believe them. I was sure I would make a great poker player due to the fact that I thought I had perfect control over my facial expressions. Those of you who know me know that to this day, I shouldn’t be at a poker table betting with anything more than pennies. This is also a teenage thing though. My daughter loves to roll her eyes at me or look to the side like she would love to be anywhere else but listening to me lecture or “yell” at her. No, I don’t yell, but according to my daughter, a firm voice or a chiding tone equates yelling.

I tell her, “Please stop rolling your eyes and making faces at me. It’s pretty rude and disrespectful.” She comes back with, “I’M NOT!” Oh yes Sweet Child of Mine, you are. The funny thing is, she probably truly believes she is not rolling her eyes or condescending with her face. Like I believed at her age. When she is a mother, if she is a mother, she will know that yes, when she was 14, she was rolling her eyes at me more than she knew. I get it now, and my parents were SPOT on with their accusations.

4. Something I DON’T get: Gender Reveal Parties

Gender reveal parties first started cropping up around 2012-ish. Ok. People are competitive, and people love out doing each other with their Instagram posts of their gender reveal parties. Babies are special, I understand that part. Especially if you have had trouble acquiring one, I can understand celebrating every single thing about pregnancy or adoption, and the little human being coming into your lives.

Please know that just because I do not care to surround myself with children or babies, does not mean I’m a bad person or an evil human. I also do not think this is WHY I don’t “get” gender reveal parties. I have an opinion about gender reveal parties that may not mesh well with yours, so in keeping that to myself, I WILL say that it blows my mind that friends of the expectant couple really do care THAT much whether you’re having a boy or a girl. Do people really care? I guess they do because you can’t have a gender reveal party without guests, and I keep seeing them on Instagram or wherever so people MUST care. If you have a gender reveal party and people show up- you’ve got very caring friends and good on you.  I mean that with all sincerity. I do go to my friend’s baby showers, to help out with the things they need and such. Gender reveal parties can evoke arguments for or against, often involving political correctness or incorrectness. All I can say is, to each their own. Do what works for you and your family. You heard it here though, I’m happy if you are blessed with a healthy child and I am content to observe from afar. 😃

5. Something I GET: My parents are human too

I’ve learned with startling realization that my mom and dad *gasp* had a life before me! Yes! It’s true. They had a whole thing going on before I or my brother entered the picture. My mom was once 17! She struggled with things 17-year olds struggle with and she had her likes and dislikes and her dreams as well! SHE DID UNDERSTAND even when I thought “she cannot possibly understand what I’m going through.” She is beautiful, and she is funny, she and my dad liked things before I arrived that I may be surprised to know.

My Mother

My daughter will often times tell me “I don’t get it.” I probably don’t get it as much as she thinks I should, but I would venture to say I do get it more than she knows. She doesn’t realize I was once a young girl with hopes and dreams, and I went through my fair share of bullying and being full of attitude. She doesn’t realize or care that I actually am a human being that is not “just” her mother. Now that I’m older, I look at my mom differently.

I was just putting a slideshow together for my parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary and I got to see my mom when she was very young in the photos. There were many photos of her at my son’s age- and I know he has a lot going on! I can barely get him over unless I feed him! She DID get it more than I knew, and I certainly didn’t give her enough credit. Ah the beauty of hindsight, right?

6. Something I DON’T get: Paragraphs or Requests to “Spam Me with Positivity”

So my daughter was explaining that her friend was having a bad day, so she “wrote her a paragraph” and this friend NEVER writes one for her. She also said she doesn’t go advertising her bad days to people and never asks for a paragraph, but she was miffed that no one thinks to write her one. Ok. I know I’m old, because I had to ask her what the heck that even meant.

Apparently, these kids post on Snapchat or whatever that they are sad and need a paragraph. So friends write them a paragraph about how wonderful they are and how pretty they are and how much they mean to them. This is a double-edged sword, I think. As an old person, I feel like it’s a bit ... self-involved. HOWEVER, if a paragraph keeps someone from harming themselves, I guess I can’t argue the positiveness of positive words. That being said, I also think that because of our busy lives and social media and instant gratification, our children are not being taught to ask parents, or relatives, or loved ones for help, and they are not always able to self-heal like we were taught to. Before you tell me that not all kids have the tools or the resources, please know that I know that already. I’m talking about IN GENERAL. I could go on about this, but all I will say is, we are pretty self-involved as humans these days and in SOME (not all) cases, we need to do for humanity instead of seeing what humanity can do for us.

But if you’re sad and ask to be spammed with funny memes or positivity, I’ll try and remember that maybe I’m just old and I’ll send you something to make you laugh. Like my birthdate.

7. Things I GET: The Small Section of Boxed Dye Instructions

I now understand that section of boxed hair that is for “gray root touch ups.” I never had to look at that section before. I get it now! I now know why they include that section! I’m very thankful for that section, because not too long after I dye my hair, I see grays sprouting forth from my roots, and it’s maddening!! Whatever would I do without that section of the instructions I used to ignore??? I always thought it was something that would never apply to me, and I prided myself on my good genes. Good genes, my ass! Lol, it turns out I’m just like many other people out there and have started checking out that section, because it is nearing the time when it will come in handy! Oh well. And last but not least....

8. Things I GET: Cheaters

No no no. Not THAT kind of cheater. The kind you wear around your neck or have in different rooms of the house. I need to invest in a few pairs. I have one pair that are cheap, and smudgy, and probably not strong enough. I don’t know how to choose cheaters. I remember my mom and dad having cheaters and I thought, “Awww... how cute! They look so grandparent-ish!” Enter the mid 40’s and my initiation into the world of cheaters.

Friends, I cannot read labels!! I have to have Bri read them for me. I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to do with vitamins or prescriptions unless Bri grabs the bottle from me and reads out loud as I’m trying to hold the instructions far enough away from my face to focus. I’m also a Grammy as of 3 years ago. This is actually when I started needing help with tiny words. I wonder if it came with the job...

I just need a thing to wear around my neck so I can have them with me in every room of the house. I would like a snappy pair, something fun that makes me look like I’m a spunky person. The type of person that might go to a Gender Reveal or a Period Party with a fun gift, or maybe the type of person that’s got funny memes on hand for your paragraph needs.

Thanks for reading, and have a fabulous week!

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